spidersaresexy

shikarius:

Dad’s gotten 1000% better talking about periods since we started using Shark Week euphemisms:

"Ah, it’s Shark Week?" = "Ah, you started your period?"

"Harpoons on deck?" = "Do you have enough pads/tampons/etc?"

"Chum stocks are holding?" = "Do you need chocolate/midol?"

"Supplies are low cap’n" = "Yes, please."

"What kind (of shark) is it?" = "How do you feel?"

  • "It’s a Nurse Shark" = "I’m fine/not bad"
  • "GREAT WHITE OFF THE STARBOARD BOW" = "FUCKING OW"
hophigh

Today’s Proverb

cecilisholdingacat:

_͓̖̹͔̼͕̹̥̭̅ͣ̉ͧ̃͌ͥͫ̅̂̆ͩ̈̈͜͜_̢̿̈́͊͐̓ͣ̎̽͟҉̭̩̟͉͚͙̳͓̘̺͖̩̙̻͕_̴̜̝͉̙͚̥͓̫̞̰̠͓͕͈͈̘̉̆̊̏͊͒ͨ̇͒ͭ̎̃͌̈́̄_̌̔͑ͫ̐ͯ̆̎̌̈̒̈́͒̀̂͏̭̠͇͎̱̲͎̗̬̟̹͙͖͢͝_̶̈́͊̎̐̍͋̓̐̆̄̀̊ͪ͌̂̚͏͈̩̮͎̬̞̤̕͠_̰͓̥͍ͯ͐̌̆̋̀ͩ͌̇̋̐ͬ̃̈́̀̕͢͞_̨̤̰̺̫̳̮͍̳̤̜̱͔͕ͪ̏̈ͤ̀̕̕͘_̡̿̌̒̾̏̀͏̟̖͎̙̰͙̯_̶̵̛͖͕̜̰͕̜̖͓̝͓̪̫̒ͧ̊̉ͩ͒̇̀̂͌̚͘͡_̵̱̪̱̮͉̭̅ͬ̓̔͐͂̀̚͞͝_̥̹̝͍͚̣̲̤̬͕ͥ̐ͣͤ͒̍ͬͣͩ̋̒̈́̒̌͛̌̔́̚͘͟͡͝_̶̵̰͙͇̘͎͓̺̟̼̬̤̥͉̪̻͚̤̅̂̂ͮ̂̓ͧ̄̏ͦ̈́ͯ̌͗͊͛͜_̡̭̥̮̺̝͕͍̲͐̉̈́ͯͪ̅͋͗̇̈͋ͧ̈ͮ͂͊͟ͅ_̡ͩ̏͌͒̑ͨ̃͒̿̓̂ͫ͌̆̎̀ͨ̎̏҉̠̫̝̳͘͞_͑̈́ͯ̄̔̓͗̽́͐̾ͫ͋̊̑̔͛҉̡̛̛̙̭̼̹͚̣̳̬ͅ_̶̩̙̠̗̫̹̩͌̈̿͌͗̂͋̂ͯ̍̄͘͟_̧̭͓̠̥̥̼̬̮̤͍̜̝̽͑ͨ͒͒̓ͦ͛ͭͨͪ͒́̕_̧̙̙̮̜̘̙̳̖͚͔̺̭̰̦͕͍̙̈́ͦ̆̌̂ͨ̏͂̚͟͜͞_̷̈ͪ̅̃͐ͥ̒̈́̎͘͏͚̳͔̹͝ͅ_̵̶̢̠͚̰͔̜̦̝̺̱̑ͫ͆̐̓̀̈́͒̋̍͜_̷̢̬͖̩ͫ̓̓̽̓̍̉͛͠͞_̷̨̥͓̺͓̹͍̣͓̝̩̥̹̖͓͖̜̏̆ͣ͛͆̆̀̿̽͛͛ͫ̌͛͝͡_̧̛̙͙͔͕̦̤̩̹͚̖͙͙̜͌ͩͣ̂̔̽̃̋ͥ̃ͤ͑̒̂ͭ̃͡͡_̢͚̗̤̮̞̾̏͑ͪ͋ͯͨ̔̍̊̽ͪ̈ͬ̆̔͡_̨ͧ̋̈́̃ͨ̂̇̒̈ͨ̃̃̈ͭ̔҉̰̰̰̳̮̫̗̭͙̪͉̩͙͎͕̖̗̺͙́_̞̗̞̮̝̞̹͍͎ͭ̊͊̒̏̐̒̈́̕̕͢͝_ͤ̐͋ͣ̃͑̿ͩͫ̀҉̴̙̦̠͉̟͖͎̳̲͖_̦̮̗̥̪͕̜̠̱̓͋͆̒̑̿ͥͫ̍̉̋ͥ̔͢͜͜͠ͅͅ_̷͂ͬ̒̃ͪ̉͋̃̆̑̀͢͏̳̹̣̞̱̻͈̠͇̙̖̜̯̟̱̤͚_̸̡̲͉̖̫͕̲̲̳̳̫̟̳͂ͩ̌ͪͧ̚ͅ_̺̰͍̱̗̯̤̩̞̤̯̼ͨͪ͗ͣ̅̎̂ͩ̍̽͜͟ͅ_̢͇̝͔̥̱̰͖͔̟̲͇̜̥ͣ̋̑͒͋ͥ́̕ͅ_͇͚͕͍͙͇̼̲̦̙͒̽̿ͣ̾ͨͯ͊̆̊́̂ͪ̓̈́̍̆̚͞͡͞_͔͍͔̼͉̦̼͓̙̈́ͪͦ́ͩͣͭ̓̀͘͜͝_̘̩̥͎̩͚̣̘̙̪̖̮͈̟͉͕͙̬̘̈̏͛ͥ̐ͦ̓̃́̚͞͠_ͣ̉̓̀͏҉̴̦̙̬͍̟̯̖̪͕͢ͅ_̶̧̬͔͍̮̽̆̿ͭ͛͊̃̅͊̃ͯͨͩ̚͝_̵̙̪̦̠͕̩̥̤͖̬̬̙̞̜͓͎̣ͩ͛͂́͂́̉ͫ͆̚͟͜͞ͅ_̨̻̰͓͚̞̝͓̤̻̰̺̬͎̫̫̪̈̐͑̾ͮͦͮ̊̓̂ͮͧ̔̀͘ͅ_̴̖̗̩̹̰̣̇͛͂͊ͭ͛͆ͬ̀_̋̊ͭ̈͂ͣ͐̑͐͗͛̉͆ͦ͒̓҉̹̖͙̰̟͓̯̯̙̥̪̙̜̝̞͔ͅ_̧̡̖̞̟̗̮̹̫̩̥ͧ͛ͬ̐̾͒͌ͣͧ̂͐ͬ̚_̯̗̣͇̝̹͉̬͓̩̆̔̐͂͂̓ͧ̆ͩ̉ͫ̀͘_̩̭̱̝̥̻̗̮͕͎͈̤̳̹͇̾͗̽̔ͪͥͧ͒̆̉̂́͘͝_̷̨̡̳̩̝̖̙̩̲̱͎̼̪͈͎͓̳̫ͪͥ̀ͩ͐ͯ̐͑͑̊ͬ̅ͧ̉͑͛̃̂̚͞_̂͊̄̾͛͐̂ͯͫ͟҉͇̰͇̭̝͈_̶̡̤͇͓̮̖̟̱͉̫̥̯̄̾͌̃ͭ͋̄ͤͯͯ̃ͧ̉͐̀̚_̶̹̪̣̹͉͙͕̘͊̄̏͛̋̉̈ͬ̾̌ͤ̂ͤͨͮͪ̇̒͘͘ͅ_̸̾ͬͨ̇̔͗̌ͬͥ̓ͬ̋̐̇͂̌̕҉̬͖̦̩̜̦̭͍͍͜_ͣ̒͑͆͑͗̈́̉̓̏̏̿̌͏̨̫͇̦̗̻̼̼͈̻_̸̓̂ͧͯͧ͆̍ͧ̋ͯͭͭ̇͗̔̂̓҉̡̹̗̪͉̺̘̜͍̗͜͝_̢̨̨̹͚̻̰͍̬̩̰̳͙̙͍͉̟̄ͨ̆͆̈́͛̄̓́̚͜͢ͅ_̾͊̆ͨ͑̔̑̏̉̅̔ͨ̆̏̾͌̚҉̶͏̶̱̥̯̥_̢̯̝̙̠̹̙͔͉͓͓̻̖̘͉̗͔̺̜ͩͭ̃͊̀ͮͣ̄̈͝_̧̡̢̏̂͆̇̑̃̈͗̾̆ͩ̈́̇̐͐̃͢҉̝͇̦͚͍͙̲̠͎_̶̽̈̏̊̈̔̈̅ͯ̎ͮ͛̏͡͏̵̠̭̤̹̪̙̳͎̗̺̺̺̭ͅ_̷̸̹͍͚̻̓͛͒͋̈̓ͩ̀ͣ̇̿̈́͒͑͂̄̿̋͜_̢̢̧͈͎͔̹͇̖̺̥͍̹͊ͧͭ̓͂ͪͮ̍̅̎̇̆͆̽ͫͭͧͮ̕_̷̨̢̳̲̘̱̥̱̖̻̣ͯͥ̔̚͟͟_ͨ̽͛̇ͦ̍͆͟͞͝҉̮̦̟̱̩͖̰̲̥̭̗̹̠̹̮̼͇͚̳́_ͧ̊̽ͤ̈̏͂͋͋ͤ̿̎̕͡҉̶̻̮̞̗̪̗͍̳͈̖̠̗̖_̮͓͕̭̫̑ͯ̒͐̀̉͒̈̓̚͘͘͜͜_̢̫̯̪̣͔͚̫̳̼͎̲͇̹̱ͧͤͥ͑̕͘_̶̿̔̆҉̢͍͚̱̲̦͕̻͍̯͍͖̣̝_̴̨̦̙̟̞͍̯͕̯̥̮̾̋̂̎̉̃̎͑̈́̂͊̆̾́̽́̚͟ͅ_̹͍̺̲͍̠̙͎͖͚͉̉̏̿̔̓ͦ̓͊̾̂̂̈́̐́ͅ